We often hear people say: “I carry a lot of tension in my body.”
But here’s the deeper truth for many of us: that tension isn’t random and it isn’t just stress. It’s a memory.
Not memory in the way we usually think about it, stored as thoughts or stories but memory held in the nervous system. Your body remembers patterns. Tight shoulders when you’re criticized. A clenched jaw when you feel judged. Shallow breathing when you feel unsafe. This isn’t a coincidence. It’s learned survival.
What feels like “just tension” may actually be your body remembering who hurt you.
Trauma Isn’t Just Psychological—It’s Physiological
Trauma doesn’t live only in the mind. It imprints itself on the nervous system.
When you experience fear, shame or emotional pain—especially repeatedly and your body adapts to protect you. Muscles tighten. Breathing changes. Posture shifts. These responses once helped you survive. Over time, they become automatic.
Just like muscles can “forget” how to activate (muscular amnesia), they can also learn to stay guarded. Your body remembers the threat even when your mind has moved on.
How the Body Learns to Hold Trauma
The nervous system is pattern-driven. When it senses danger, it asks one question: How do I keep you safe next time?
The answer often looks like this:
- Shoulders raised to protect the neck
- Chest collapsed to hide and reduce visibility
- Jaw clenched to suppress emotion
- Breath held to avoid being noticed
- Hips tight to stay ready to run or freeze
These patterns repeat until they feel normal. Eventually, you stop noticing them—until pain, fatigue or burnout shows up.
Why “Holding It Together” Costs You
Chronic muscle guarding sets off a chain reaction:
- Constant tension drains energy → you feel tired even without physical exertion
- Restricted breathing → increased anxiety and reduced focus
- Poor posture → neck, back, and headache issues
- Overactive stress response → difficulty relaxing, even in safe environments
This isn’t weakness. It’s your nervous system doing its job too well for too long.
Everyday Triggers That Reactivate Old Patterns
You don’t need a traumatic event for these responses to fire. Small moments are enough:
- Being interrupted or dismissed
- Receiving feedback or criticism
- Entering unfamiliar social settings
- Feeling rushed, judged, or ignored
- Conflict—even mild
Your body reacts before your mind catches up. That’s not overreacting. That’s conditioning.
Signs Your Body Is Holding Old Memories
You might notice:
- Tight shoulders or neck that won’t “relax,” no matter how much you stretch
- Holding your breath without realizing it
- Jaw clenching during concentration or stress
- Feeling on edge even when things are going well
- Sudden fatigue after emotional conversations
These are not flaws. They are signals.
A Simple 3-Minute Nervous System Reset
Healing isn’t about forcing muscles to relax. It’s about teaching your nervous system that it’s safe now.
Try this once or twice a day:
1. Grounded Breathing (1 minute)
Sit or stand with feet on the floor. Inhale through your nose for 4 seconds, exhale slowly for 6 seconds. Let the shoulders drop.
2. Shoulder Rolls with Awareness (1 minute)
Slowly roll your shoulders back and down. On each exhale, imagine releasing old effort—not just tension.
3. Gentle Chest Opening (1 minute)
Clasp hands behind your back, open the chest slightly. No forcing. Just enough to signal safety.
These aren’t exercises—they’re conversations with your nervous system.
Releasing Isn’t Forgetting—It’s Updating
Your body isn’t stuck in the past. It’s responding to outdated information.
The goal isn’t to erase memory but to teach the body that the threat has passed. Safety, repeated gently, rewires patterns. Over time, muscles soften. Breathing deepens. Energy returns.
Final Thought
What you call tension may be wisdom that hasn’t been updated yet.
Your body remembers because it cared enough to protect you. Now, it needs reassurance, not judgment. Healing begins when you stop asking, “What’s wrong with my body?” and start asking, “What did my body learn—and how can I help it unlearn?”
Because sometimes, the deepest memories aren’t in your mind.
They’re in your muscles and they’re ready to let go.
Co- authored by: Shayamal Vallabhjee
Chief Science Officer: betterhood
Shayamal is a Human Performance Designer who works at the intersection of psychology, physiology, and human systems design, for the last 25 years he is helping high-performing leaders, teams, and athletes thrive in environments of stress, complexity, and change. His work spans across elite sports, corporate leadership, and chronic health—and is grounded in the belief that true performance isn’t about pushing harder, but designing better.
